I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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