This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just gargled with NyQuil
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
