there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
