he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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