dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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