Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
