I wish I could punch you in the face.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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