I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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