Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
