It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
