Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We need to get me chipped asap
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
