it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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