Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize