i just had sex bonerless
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You made out with two different species that night
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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