yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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