i don't like sucking hair
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
