actually, I'm a sock model
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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