I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
