This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
