if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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