SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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