My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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