ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
