I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
