Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
