Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
