had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
