are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
