on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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