He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
