She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
