My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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