I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize