whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We smell like vodka and hangover
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