Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
