3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
