you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
