How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
