Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
