Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
