this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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