My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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