Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I want her autograph on my taint
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
