I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
