just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
