Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
