I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize