i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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