im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
