he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i permit you to call me
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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