U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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