JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
