ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
