i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
