well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
