im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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