That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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