i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
