brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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