how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize