trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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