Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
