Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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