Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize