hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
