coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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